The stressful demands of a modern lifestyle can have dire effects on a relationship. We are so busy with work and children and trying to squeeze in some time for ourselves, that we often forget about the needs of our relationship. Eventually we find that we have drifted apart from our partner and are considering getting a divorce. Before divorce even becomes an option, couples counselling can give you the tools you need to prevent you and your partner from drifting apart, or bring you closer together if you feel like you already have started to drift apart.

Couples counselling isn’t only for couples that have something obviously amiss in their relationship. A relationship can end without screaming matches or constant fighting, but simply because one day you wake up and realise that you and your partner no longer love each other the same way that you used to. One of the things you will come to learn in couples counselling is that feeling like you are drifting apart could just be a phase, and with the right effort from both partners through applying the skills learnt at couples counselling, you can rebuild your relationship.

Emotional distancing is difficult to detect, at couples counselling you will learn about warning signs so that you can ward off distancing. Some of the more common warning signs are the absence of affection, interest in each other’s lives, humour, empathy, excitement and daily interactions. For example, if one partner asks another a question and the other dismisses it because he or she is busy, neither partner will be offended, but eventually they will reach out to each other less and less until one day they seize to reach out to each other at all.

Does couples counselling have any solutions for emotional drifting?

Quite simply put, yes, couples counselling does teach solutions for emotional drifting. However, it is important to acknowledge that couples counselling cannot make a person love someone, it can only strengthen existing love. Couples counselling will teach you to inject multiple moments of connection into your day so that throughout the day a partner will reach out with love and the other will respond with love. Some of the ways to do this include,

  • Kissing your partner hello and goodbye and focussing on the fact that you are greeting someone who you are in love with and not just doing it out of habit.
  • When your partner pays you a compliment or appreciates you, take the time to look at them and say thank you, and mean it.
  • Take the time to tell your partner that you are happy to see them, so that they know that you acknowledge and appreciate their presence.
  • Talk to your partner when you feel like something isn’t right in your relationship, rather than letting it fester.
  • When arguing with your partner avoid blame, and make sure that you communicate constructively.
  • Make romance within the relationship a priority.

During couples counselling you will learn a plethora of skills to strengthen your relationship with your partner so that you can either avoid drifting apart, or mend your relationship if you feel like you have already drifted apart. Contact Louw Alberts for couples counselling in the Centurion, Pretoria area.