What you must do: Take Action, Start Here
I am going to detail your road-map for what you must do to take action. First is to realize that you took a huge step to look for help, that in itself is a Want, Think, Feel and Need that you have to start looking at preserving your self-worth. This action does not mean that you don’t care for your partner it also means that you do care about your partner’s self-worth.
Step 1 is to carefully read through the following statements and allow yourself to realize if one or more of these statements is applicable to you – That is all – Step one is to engage with the reality of the situation, start here by looking at the following statements:
- Your Partner is threatening to leave you
- Your Partner has already left you
- You are thinking about leaving your partner
- you have serious marriage problems
- Neither is leaving but the marriage has fallen into a negative cycle
- There’s little to no affection & intimacy
- you wish your partner would change their ways
- I cannot be the person he or she wants me to be
- I am not going to change for you
- I am not going to be unhappy anymore
- 60 more years of this, I refuse to do that
- Does my happiness not count for anything?
- Do I even matter in this relationship?
- I cannot take these fights anymore
- My wife or husband is having an affair
- My trust is broken
Are you afraid the following will happen or is currently happening?
- Your children are being negatively affected
- Your family is not going to understand this – or approve of this
- You will end up leaving each other
- My mother/father-in-law is having a negative impact on our marriage
- The in-laws are too involved
- I have never been accepted into the new family
- I don’t want to go to family occasions and events
Which of these also describe your marriage?
- we fight, and argue often
- we’ve said hurtful things which we later regretted
- disrespect, name calling or verbal abuse
- We fight about money
- we’re not intimate (sex) regularly anymore
- layers of hurt and resentment have built up
- there’s little to no affection between us
- You do not feel appreciated by your partner
If you have had any of these thoughts in the past year, if you just don’t see a way out or cannot think straight about your marriage or relationship, please give me a call so that we can work together to structure your thought patterns and come up with a working solution. Marriage counselling can save your marriage.
My aim is to guide you towards discovering the root cause of the marriage or relationship problem. I facilitate communication to enhance the process of finding that specific negative relationship trigger. Once we know what this trigger is, we can start correcting it.
Many times we find that marital problems are the result of some unresolved childhood trauma. This is your chance to address these hurts in a very safe space. Your partner will have a completely new understanding of you and the circumstances that has shaped your thinking. As we learn to accept our marriage partner’s childhood hurts, we learn to deal with our own.
It is a wonderful process of careful revelation and growth.
Marriage counselling services
Our goal in consultation with you is to achieve the following outcomes:
- Eliminating negative pre-conceived ideas about yourself, your partner and your marriage or other intimate relationship
- Understanding yourself and your relation towards your marriage partner
- Healthy Communication
- Recognising the person you fell in love with
- Recognising what you have in common and how you can build on it
- Building trust that has depth and endurance
- Healthy libido and sexual intimacy
- To know your partner’s behavioural patterns, thoughts and feelings
You are now done with Step one – Engaging with reality. The feeling, emotion, sensation , attitude or pain you are now feeling is real and you are worth it to address this.
I need to analyze the story and capture the underlying emotions feelings sensations attitudes and pains because that is what you are missing and starts a chain of events which might sound like the following:
Your partner starts sounding like a controlling parent
Your partner start becoming hurtfull, physically or emotionally
Your partner withdraws
Your partner just wants to sweep everything under the rug and forget about it.
And that is where your attempt to resolve the marital conflict ends and the cycle starts over again.
Make an appointment for Marital therapy. Yes book the session. We can meet in person in my office in Centurion or if you are not close to me we can meet over skype and have a consultation for one hour. Where I give you the outlay of your personal way therapy is going to continue and what you as a couple.
Your 10 step therapeutic relationship will involve some of the following but it all depend on your stories you send me.
- Intensive relationship therapy where a commitment is made for the amount of sessions
- Thematic traumatic incident reduction regarding the theme of your stories. This theme can be a feeling, an emotion, a sensation an attitude or a psychosomatic pain
- A basic traumatic incident reduction depending on the trauma
- Psychometric assessment in the MBTI
- Psychometric assessment in the 16pf
- performing psychological screening,
- primary mental status screening,
- basic assessment, and psychological interventions with individuals aiming at enhancing personal functioning;
- performing psychological assessment
After you get the feedback report you can decide or depending on the condition of the relationship you and your partner can decide together if you would like to go through with the process I have outlined.