When you’re in a toxic relationship you can feel like you are on a roller coaster, with extreme highs and lows. No relationship is all bad, or all toxic, and it is those good moments that keep you going back. Maybe the person will change, maybe you can work on things together, maybe it will be different next time. The thing is, sometimes you just need to realise that you and your partner are not meant to be romantically involved and it is time to put yourself first and leave the relationship once and for all. Relationship advice is best when given by someone who knows the specific dynamics of the relationship. However, there is some relationship advice that can help you to confirm that you are indeed in a toxic relationship and also relationship advice that can help you to end the relationship once and for all.

Relationship advice when you aren’t sure if your relationship is toxic

The first indicator that you are in a toxic relationship is that you find yourself feeling hurt, used and angry more often than not. In this light, you feel like you are constantly being brought down. The following are five more specific signs that you are in a toxic relationship:

  1. You don’t feel comfortable being fully yourself
  2. Your partner makes you feel like you can’t do anything right
  3. You no longer find yourself enjoying any good moments with this person.
  4. Your partner prevents your personal growth and change
  5. Everything is about your partner and not about you.

These are only five of the many warning signs that you may be in a toxic relationship. Even if you only experience one of these signs, it may be a good idea to take a closer look at your relationship and start thinking about the possibility of ending the relationship.

Relationship advice for ending the relationship

Once you have come to the conclusion that you need to end your relationship, it doesn’t make the process any easier or shorter. The following relationship advice includes a few steps that you can take that may make it a little easier.

  1. Spend a month or so writing down your feelings after interacting with your partner. After the month, reflect on the most frequent emotions you felt, if the majority are negative, it’s time to move on.
  2. Come out of denial, and realize that it is time to let go.
  3. Identify why you stayed with them when you knew that it was toxic.
  4. Once you’ve figured out why you stayed, fill your day with small things that keep you happy.
  5. Reward yourself for every small milestone of getting over your ex-partner. For example, for every three times you say ‘no’ to your ex-partner, buy yourself a coffee or something that makes you happy.
  6. Surround yourself with genuinely positive and supportive people.
  7. Surround yourself with affirmations that help you to affirm the person you wish to be and life you wish to have, and repeat them throughout the day.
  8. Lastly, be kind to yourself and take it easy while you heal.

Everyone deserves to be in a loving, rewarding relationship. If your relationship no longer serves you, have the courage to recognise that it no longer has a place in your life and put an end to it.

For help with ending a relationship contact psychologist Louw Alberts.