As discussed in ‘The Ten Most Common Marriage Problems (Part 1)’, every marriage faces certain trials and tribulations. The following five marriage problems are some of the most common, together with those dealt with in part one of this article, that couples face.

  1. A lack of trust

There are a number of things that can cause one not to trust their spouse. However, trust is the foundation of any relationship and without it a relationship can crumble. Thus, this is one of the most important marriage problems to resolve as quickly as possible.

The most important thing to do is to identify the root of the issue if it is a reoccurring problem that you are experiencing. A counsellor can help you to do this as well as help you to put certain strategies in place to deal with the issue. However, if it is a question of seeing certain things that over time have caused you to mistrust your partner, the following strategies can be helpful to build trust.

  • Be consistent.
  • Even when arguing, be fair.
  • Don’t be jealous yourself, if you expect your partner not to be jealous.
  • Always be on time.
  • Let your partner know when you will be home late in advance.
  • If you tell your partner that you will call, call them when you said you would.
  • Always do what you said you would do.
  • Don’t ever lie to your partner.
  • Don’t bring up the past or say things that you will later regret.
  • Respect your partner’s personal boundaries.
  • Even when you disagree, be sensitive to how your partner feels and don’t be dismissive.
  1. Communication problems

When there is poor communication between partners there are bound to be marriage problems. To solve communication problems you can implement the following solutions:

  • Schedule an actual appointment to talk about anything and everything with no interruptions.
  • Make sure you listen to your partner and don’t just hear them.
  • If you can’t communicate without shouting, go to a public place where you will be forced to speak to each other respectfully.
  1. Personality clashes which cause marriage problems

No couple is perfect, and there are bound to be things about your partner that irritate you. Moreover, some couples have a compulsive need to out-do, belittle or please each other– none of which are healthy and can create marriage problems. If you experience a personality clash with your partner, the following could help.

  • Discuss habits or personality traits of your partner that irritate you in a non-threatening and kind manner so that they can work on them.
  • Be prepared for your partner to tell you habits of your own that irritate them, without being defensive.
  • Don’t compare yourself with your partner.
  • Let your partner know how it makes you feel when they put you down, so that they are aware of their behaviour.
  • Don’t try to please your partner to the detriment of yourself.
  1. Unrealistic expectations

Going into marriage with a romanticized view and unrealistic expectations can create marriage problems further down the line, when expectations are not met. The best way to avoid this is to manage your expectations and discuss them with your partner before getting married.

  • Not making your relationship a priority

A relationship will not thrive unless both you and your partner both put in the work needed, if not you will face marriage problems down the line.

  • Always show that you appreciate your partner
  • Treat your partner like you did when you first met
  • Schedule date nights
  • Always be respectful of your partner

If you cannot solve your marriage problems contact psychologist Louw Alberts in the Centurion, Pretoria area.